ive never had many friends,
but for the first time in my life
i dont really have any
or at least none who dont want anything from me
or havent slept with

well, thats a lie
i have one
its funny because
her and i are really REALLLY alot alike
its scary really
both fear being alone
use sex to get closer to people
but dont think about if we really WANT to be close
to that person
over the past couple of months we have become closer
so now she is the one person that knows where
the bodies are buried
(most of them anyway)
she is the first person that ive let in in about 3 years

anyway, this weekend i realized that im lonely
(it was a real epiphany actually, knew something was wrong just didnt know what)
but i didnt want anyone there.
there was an offer (to which i regretted turning down)
i was busy all weekend but when i did get home
i couldnt bring myself to do anything
because i didnt want to do it alone
for the first time in a long time i was thinking about going out
i mean really out out
not to the jazz spot or the poetry spot
but out to an actual "club"

looking back on it i wish i had just brought
the snuggler/assassin over
she is someone that always makes me smile